My Trip to Austen: Quidditch, Hang gliding, and Other Rash Behaviors. Part I

My adventure to Austen was SO awesome and so frikkin packed that I’m going to have to break it into three separate blog posts, which I will post this week (I swear).  Part one will focus on my time spent on the UT Quidditch fields.


            For those of you who have not heard, Quidditch, the magical broom riding sport of the Harry Potter world, has launched into muggle universities all over the US. My friend Augusta, who I was visiting this weekend, plays for the Gryffindor house at UT. Soon, her and her teammates will be traveling to the Quidditch world cup in New York. There will be something close to 40 college teams competing there from all over the world! Who knew right? Anyway, when I rolled into UT, Augusta and her roommate were already getting suited up for their Quidditch tournament against Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff. I was very excited to even have the chance at witnessing such an event, but as we drove over to the field I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime: The chance to be the Snitch.

GOOD HIT BRO!

Now let me explain for a moment how “Muggle Quidditch” as it has come to be known, is played. The players must hold a broom between their legs as the run around on the ground, attempting to throw a volleyball through three hoops at the end of the field. The snitch is actually played by a person dressed in gold, (usually a cross country runner or rugby player) who tucks a sack with a ball into the back of his shorts. The seekers attempt to pull said ball sack from the Snitches pants (no one ever jokes about this at all).  The thing that really makes this whole thing so awesome though, is that Snitches literally have no rules.

They can run wherever they want, do whatever they want, tackle, taunt, shove, and disrupt in whatever manner pleases them at any given moment. If you would like to see some premier seeker action from last year’s world cup in New York City, check this out:

My friends, I know it has been a long time since I blogged. It is because I have been far too busy doing things worth blogging about. Things such as barhopping with a group of my Dutch colleagues and learning to curse in Finish. That was an entertaining episode, let me tell you what. Here are five reasons why I am moving to Holland in a couple years.

5. They are a very, very (hilariously) vulgar people.

My company “Wellness International Network” celebrated 19 years of success and expansion with a huge gala. A ton of people from Holland, Australia, and Turkey came over to celebrate. Let me tell you what kids, I am not an easy person to scandalize, but their descriptive offers of nights out on their red light district (prostitution) and their unabashed pride in their women’s bust size, was…. slightly embarrassing to my American sensibilities. They just don’t follow the same rules as Americans do, that is to say, you will scant find a dinner party in Holland in which religion and politics are not voraciously argued about with the use of delightfully colorful language. 

4. They are very, very passionate. 

Whilst keeping #5 in mind: One of our associates kids was playing a soccer game. Now, we all know that the Dutch love soccer. So obviously they all decided that they would go to the game. Keep in mind kids, that these kids are 13-14 and the only other spectators are their parents. Enter Jarno, an extraordinary man and business professional. He led the Dutch in their jeering and cheering, and when, by happenstance, our team’s goalie let a ball by –as eight graders often do—he curses profusely and yells for the coach to take him out. “TAKE HIM OUT TAKE HIM OUT!!!”

The woman next to him leans over and says “hey, that’s my son you’re talking about”

He turns to her, looks back, and continues to yell “TAKE HIM OUT!!!”

Then, when our team scored, all the Dutch yelled together: “HE HA HUNDULOO” or something like that. He told us it meant “Donky Dick.”  They yelled this at an 8^th grade soccer game. 

3. They have conquered the ocean.

Half of their country is at least a hundred feet below sea level. If their dikes broke, their country would literally vanish. Whenever they need more space, you know what they do? Not build higher buildings! NO! They simply carve out more ocean. If that doesn’t say something about these people, I don’t know what does.

2. They do business like BAMFS. These people have taken health and wellness way past anything that most people in network marketing businesses could possibly imagine. Their training centers duplicate and account for millions of Euroes worth of business.

1. They are just frikkin hot. Fact.