Why I'm Moving to Holland

1:38 PM Marcellino DAmbrosio 0 Comments

My friends, I know it has been a long time since I blogged. It is because I have been far too busy doing things worth blogging about. Things such as barhopping with a group of my Dutch colleagues and learning to curse in Finish. That was an entertaining episode, let me tell you what. Here are five reasons why I am moving to Holland in a couple years.

5. They are a very, very (hilariously) vulgar people.
My company “Wellness International Network” celebrated 19 years of success and expansion with a huge gala. A ton of people from Holland, Australia, and Turkey came over to celebrate. Let me tell you what kids, I am not an easy person to scandalize, but their descriptive offers of nights out on their red light district (prostitution) and their unabashed pride in their women’s bust size, was…. slightly embarrassing to my American sensibilities. They just don’t follow the same rules as Americans do, that is to say, you will scant find a dinner party in Holland in which religion and politics are not voraciously argued about with the use of delightfully colorful language. 

4. They are very, very passionate. 
Whilst keeping #5 in mind: One of our associates kids was playing a soccer game. Now, we all know that the Dutch love soccer. So obviously they all decided that they would go to the game. Keep in mind kids, that these kids are 13-14 and the only other spectators are their parents. Enter Jarno, an extraordinary man and business professional. He led the Dutch in their jeering and cheering, and when, by happenstance, our team’s goalie let a ball by –as eight graders often do—he curses profusely and yells for the coach to take him out. “TAKE HIM OUT TAKE HIM OUT!!!”
The woman next to him leans over and says “hey, that’s my son you’re talking about”
He turns to her, looks back, and continues to yell “TAKE HIM OUT!!!”
Then, when our team scored, all the Dutch yelled together: “HE HA HUNDULOO” or something like that. He told us it meant “Donky Dick.”  They yelled this at an 8th grade soccer game. 

3. They have conquered the ocean.
 Pictured above: Dutch imperialism. They've made their empire THE SEA
Half of their country is at least a hundred feet below sea level. If their dikes broke, their country would literally vanish. Whenever they need more space, you know what they do? Not build higher buildings! NO! They simply carve out more ocean. If that doesn’t say something about these people, I don’t know what does.

2. They do business like BAMFS. These people have taken health and wellness way past anything that most people in network marketing businesses could possibly imagine. Their training centers duplicate and account for millions of Euroes worth of business.
1. They are just frikkin hot. Fact.

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